Divorced dating and sexual freedom

by Yuri Yeleyko

Do you know how many people actually see the difference between dating and sex? Divorced people more often think about sexual freedom as most possible scenario of starting a new life after divorce. Due to all challenges and stress going along with any divorce many people consider free sexual behavior as some sort of satisfaction for all those unpleasant moments.

Let's take a closer look at this situation. People who just divorced have experienced many unpleasant moments that go with almost every divorce. Like most people in this situation they feel negative emotions, humiliation, lack of respect, broken hopes, lack of self-esteem and general disappointment.

Every person finds its unique way after divorce but some of the ways are most common. There are two popular scenarios of where to go and what to do after. Sadly, both of them are certainly not the safe ones. First popular thing is to punish you, lowing self-esteem, making yourself guilty in everything. In other words, to accuse yourself for everything that has happened in your life and going down to self-destruction.

Another scenario looks differently but is another side of the coin. This is the term is often being called "sexual freedom."

We tried to research what is freedom? It is almost the same as to look for what the love is. Endless topic. However, taking into account what wise people have said about it, we came to conclusion that being responsible for own actions and to foresee their consequences, is pretty close to what people calls freedom. All of us think of freedom as how to do and how much to do. Can you imagine freedom as "not doing" something? Not to do things that you certainly know will bring you undesired fruit? Not doing something you do know will bring bad results? Not to do things that will harm another person for sure? Sexual freedom is pretty often nothing else than an attempt to run away from negative feelings caused by divorce. Psychologists say that most people who use sexuality after divorce as an escape come back with even more difficult feeling, a deeper emotional gap.

Some people continue to change partners until they loose a sense of why and what they are doing. Having new sex contact becomes a routine without any self-explanation why and for what reason I'm doing this. And if we look inside of a person - there will be the same emptiness they experienced right after their divorce.

No one can preach you what to do with your life and how to behave. Without realizing what your desires for the future are it is difficult to move on. So find strength to calm down and acknowledge to yourself what is going on inside of you. First, what do you want from your future? Do you want just to be alone, to practice sexual freedom and be alone, or do you want somebody next to me warming up my soul not the flesh only?

You may say that it is not so easy to find all the answers right away. Of course, especially after everything you've taken from your past divorce experience. But in the depth of the heart everybody knows those answers. Sometimes it is enough just not to lie to yourself.

Do you recall what has been said above about freedom? This is ability to predict the consequences of the things you do, and accordingly to whether you like the consequences or not, to do or not to do certain things. There was enough bad things in your life, you are experienced now; just do what you know is good for you.